Homemaker Portrait | Eva Suchecki

I am so excited to host our very first French homemaker! Eva Suchecki is keeping a home in France with her husband and their 3 children. We discuss her leaving the workforce to stay home full time, her covid era birth experiences and the big surprise of welcoming her 2 year old nephew into their family. 

We cover all the usual ground of beginnings, fails, wins, expectations and challenges. Turns out, homemakers around the world, face many of the same challenges. 

SHOW NOTES

All resources including Eva's Signature Dish recipe will be on the blog. Click the link or go to theartofhomepodcast.com/blog and search "Eva Suchecki".

Transcript

Allison 0:02

Hello, homemakers, and welcome to the Art of Home podcast, where we are exploring how homemakers cultivate a place to belong. I'm your host, Allison Weeks. I'm a wife, a mom, a granny, and I've been practicing the Art of Home since 1992. Welcome everybody, whether you're a brand new listener or you've been around for a while. I'm very honored that you're going to trust me with some of your valuable time today, and we are going to hear a brand new homemaker portrait. But before we get to that, I have one quick little podcast update. I opened applications and nominations last week, and you guys were on it. I have more than enough. So I've closed applications and nominations for the summer season, and I will be contacting everyone who applied or nominated in the next few days. You will hear from me whether I have a spot for you or not by next Friday. So don't forget to check your email and your spam folder over the next week. Now on to today's episode. I'm so excited to host our very first French homemaker. Ava Susheki is keeping a home in France with her husband and their three children. We discuss her leaving the workforce to stay home full time, her COVID-era birth experiences, and the big surprise of welcoming her two-year-old nephew into their family a couple of years ago. Ava has lived in France her whole life except for a couple of years in the Bahamas, which is where she began to learn English. And by the way, her English is very good. You won't have any trouble understanding her. Although she occasionally breaks out into French when she's trying to think of a word, and I love that. We cover all the usual ground of beginnings, fails, wins, expectations, and challenges. Turns out homemakers around the world face many of the same challenges. Although, after you Americans hear about Ava's laundry system, you will more than likely be thanking the Lord for yours, no matter how much it is piled up right now. I will be back at the end with some closing remarks and the long haul listener emoji for this episode. Whatever you are applying your hands to as you listen, I know you will enjoy Ava's Story of Home. Welcome to the Art of Home. I am here with homemaker Ava Susheki, and she is calling in today all the way from France. So I'm very excited. Ava, you are our first French uh homemaker to have on the show. So you should feel very honored. Um, we're gonna hear all about Ava's uh experience in France, being a homemaker and in the trenches homemaker. Uh, but before we go back to the beginning, Ava, why don't you just say hi to everybody and tell us a little bit about who you are today?

SPEAKER_00 3:03

Hello, well, I'm honored to be uh your first French guest uh homemaker. Um I'm uh 33 years old and uh I've mostly lived in France all my life, except for uh four years in the Bahamas, which is where I learned uh English. I graduated I graduated um an English school uh in 2011, and then I did I did two years of marketing marketing, and then um I was supposed to uh uh start uh beauty school uh to be an aesthetician. Um but I I um I moved in with my uh now husband and so I just had to work because we needed to pay uh the rent. So that's important. Drop that. And then um I actually picked it back up when uh I had my second child, uh, and I I did uh uh school uh at home and I became an aesthetician. And uh right now I'm not really working, I'm doing like a client here and there sometimes, and I'm trying to start working a little more when my kids are at school, since they're all in school now. So yeah, and my hobbies I like uh all things creative, so reading, painting, writing, uh that's my that's my that's what I like to do.

Allison 4:48

Awesome, awesome. So and you have kids. You have how many children?

SPEAKER_00 4:55

I have uh three kids. I have two kids uh of my own. Uh my son, who's uh gonna be seven uh really soon in a couple weeks, and uh my daughter, who's uh four and a half, uh Marlon and uh Jill. And uh I also have my nephew who lives with us, and uh he's just uh he just turned four.

unknown 5:21

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 5:22

His name is Case.

Allison 5:23

So you have very active little children running around all the time.

SPEAKER_00 5:28

Yes, and almost uh twins, because my daughter and my nephew, they're six months above.

Allison 5:34

Okay, yeah, because they're very close in age. Okay, so that is kind of crazy. And they're all in school now, correct? Yes, yeah, yes, she says with the that that literally changed my life. I bet it did. I meant it. It's great. All right, so let's go back to the beginning. You kind of already talked a little bit about how you graduated, um, you were doing marketing, and then you decided to go for uh to beauty school for a I can't ever say that word, and I speak English. A test aesthetician? I can't even say it. Say it again. What is it? Esthetician. Yes, thank you.

SPEAKER_00 6:14

That's for skin, right? Like skincare and correct? Well, in France, I know it's not exactly the same meaning in the US, but in France it's uh all things from uh waxing, skincare, um makeup, uh all things uh body. Okay, you know. Okay, cool, interesting.

Allison 6:36

But not hair. But not hair. Okay, I got it. Got it. So when did you first become a homemaker and did you have any skills?

SPEAKER_00 6:46

Uh I became a homemaker. I mean, I moved in with my boyfriend at the time, uh in 2013. So like 13 years ago. 13 years, yeah. Um I was working full-time, um, so I wasn't really a good homemaker. Uh I mean, but thank God my husband knew how to do some stuff. I I knew the basics, I knew how to clean, I knew how to cook basic things, yeah, but I wasn't really doing much of it. I was very dispersed. So I've always been really hyperactive, chaotic, so uh he was helping me through that uh in the beginning, and then I really uh got into it when my son was born in 2019. Uh so about seven years ago, uh when I stopped working and started to take care of uh my family through the time.

Allison 7:53

Okay, all right. So that was when you that was when you came home, was when he was born. Yes. Okay. So what would you say is your biggest uh homemaking strength right now?

SPEAKER_00 8:07

I feel I was thinking about this a lot because I have lots of weaknesses, but that's trying to it's hard to but I I I I would say it's uh going with the flow, basically. You know, I just I tend to just take it as it comes. I don't stress too much about everyday things. Uh I know that everything uh is not you know into rock. I don't know if you could say that. Um everything changes, I I can't make plans. Uh I mean I can, but I know that they might change. Um and I take it easy. I always take it easy. I just uh go with the flow.

Allison 8:59

Okay. All right. So what about your weaknesses? As you said, there are many. Just give us a couple, just give us a couple.

SPEAKER_00 9:08

Déjà, I don't know. Baking uh sweet things, that's just one of my I mean cooking I'm fine, but baking it just for the life of me is it's too precise, it's too, you know. Yeah, baking bread is fine, but baking sweet things is just impossible. And uh I'm just chaotic. I I tend to be disorganized. I want to be organized, I make lists for everything, I plan everything, and then I I just never look back at my lists, and you know, I have a planner and I write everything in it, and then I never go back to it. It's just it's basically a diary because I just never check it. And I wish I did because I need, but I just put like 20 alarms in my phone for the stuff I need to remember. Uh that's that's just my little chaotic mind.

Allison 10:07

Well, okay. Alarms, phone alarms are a very good tool to utilize if you forget to look at your list. I have both. I have lists and I have phone alarms because I won't I won't remember. Um, but you're right. You do have to go remember to go back and look at those things, um, or else they're just they're just a diary. They're or they're a wish list or a dream list of things that you thought maybe one day you might accomplish.

SPEAKER_00 10:32

Yeah, that's why the really important things, the the the doctor's appointments and stuff like that. I just put in my phone, set an alarm for the day before because I probably re forgot by the day it comes.

Allison 10:46

So yeah. Right. Exactly. Exactly. Some of that too, I think, comes with. I mean, yeah, it you you said you sort you sort of have a chaotic personality, but I think a lot of that chaos just comes with having small children too. So just be encouraged. It's not all on you, I would say. Yes, I have uh pregnancy brain that just left never it never left you.

SPEAKER_00 11:11

Just uh I still have it.

Allison 11:14

So what who or what would you say has had a big influence on your homemaking?

SPEAKER_00 11:19

Um, my mom. My mom, she is always put together, she was cooking every day, uh, and like fancy stuff like that, you know, like very creative in her cooking. Um every time I call her because I want a recipe, she just knows it by heart, so she just tells me. I'm just like, well, can you just write it for me? Because I'm not gonna have it in my head. But she just has everything in her head. Uh, she was working, she was a cleaning lady, and still she was uh the house was always spotless, never anything uh disorganized. I mean, I feel very illegitimate compared to my body because she was so amazing. So yeah, I mean she still is, but doesn't have uh so much on her plate now.

Allison 12:17

Yeah, yeah. So what are some expectations? Um well, okay, before we talk about that one, what is something that surprised you about homemaking? An expectation that um maybe um you had that that wasn't met, or something that surprised you in a good way that was just like, oh, I didn't expect that, and that's a really good, that was a blessing.

SPEAKER_00 12:42

Um I mean, because of my mom, I thought that it was easy because she made it look very easy. She just I didn't see the efforts that she put in doing all of this, the the consistency. You know, uh I used to I clean my house, I do like a deep like spring cleaning, and then I'm I'm feeling I'm like, okay, well, I'm up to date, and like two days after it's chaos, and I'm just like, oh, oh no, I have to be consistent. So yeah, yeah, that was uh learning curve.

Allison 13:26

So yeah. Okay, well, that's a good one. So what is something that you really wanted or expected that you've just had to let go of um for your own well-being and the well-being of your family and your household?

SPEAKER_00 13:44

Uh perfection. I was I always want anything I do, I always want to be perfect. I always want to do everything perfectly. I mean, I never do, but I still want to. And uh I just I at first I was just trying to do everything perfectly, be a perfect mother, be a perfect wife, be a perfect uh homemaker, as in like the cleaning, the decorating, uh everything. And I just at some point I realized it's it's just not possible for me. It might be possible for some, but just not for me. So it's okay if it's not perfect, it's fine. Uh I do my best, and that's fine.

Allison 14:34

So, how how did bringing the children into your home? I mean, it was a big shift for you because with the arrival of your son, that's when you you um quit your job and came home full-time. But how did you notice a difference in bringing like each child? How has it impacted, um, challenged, both challenged and enriched your experience as a homemaker?

SPEAKER_00 14:54

Um, when I had my son, uh it was nice. Uh my husband was helping me a lot as well. Uh, because during my pregnancy I slacked a lot. I was just, you know, in my pregnancy being cozy. Yeah. So he was making me nice meals every day. Um, and when I when I gave birth, it was the same because I had a C-section, I was breastfeeding, so you know, I wasn't really. I mean, he wanted me to be um all in for my my son. And then uh I had my daughter, and he was working much more because you know, one income, and I had to really uh uh how do how would you say uh because I I would say kick myself in the butt, but I don't know. Yeah. You could say that, yeah. So yeah, I had to really kick myself in the butt and just do the things and uh wake up. Um plus you know, we just got out of COVID at that time. Uh okay. I mean, the you know, when we had to stay home. So because I don't know how it was in the in the US.

Allison 16:19

It depends on where in the US you were. Yeah. Well, so here we didn't we didn't stay home much at all in Texas. But in other places they were in lockdown a lot, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:30

Yeah, we were in lockdown for like two, three months, I think. And my son was almost one, and it was oh my gosh, that was it was oh, I'm sure that was hard. Yes, and plus I live, I mean, it's a small city, but I still live in a building, so we just couldn't go out. So thank god I had a dog, so I was like signing on the paper that I'm walking my dog like all day long. But that was that was a long few months, and then when I had my daughter, it was starting again, so yeah, we had lots of uh indoor time, and we just we're not really indoor people, we just go out all the time. I mean, the kids are much uh better when they're outside, so that that was that was a special time.

Allison 17:27

That would be really challenging, yeah. So I I'm always interested to talk to COVID baby mamas and hear about your experience, and because that's so it's so unique, you know. It's already hard to have a newborn, and then to have a newborn with a toddler and then to throw lockdown COVID lockdown into that. Oh my gosh. I mean, you have all of my sympathy. Yes, that must have been really, really hard.

SPEAKER_00 17:51

Yeah, well, it was now with when I talk about it, it's fine, but at the time it was a little bit annoying. When I had my daughter, you know, I was scheduled for a c-section because I already had a six c section with my son. And they told me that I had to get um, you know, uh a test um to to come into the hospital. And I was like, well, if I don't get the test, I I'm not coming to give birth.

Allison 18:19

How am I gonna have how am I gonna have this baby?

SPEAKER_00 18:22

Like and then I can't do a c-section at home. I was like, well, you're not gonna accept me, you're gonna check my test. And and then when I arrived and uh I went in for the c-section, they put a mask over me, and I was like, Well, that's that's that's not ideal. Um there was uh an amazing um how do you say um the the woman that that that help you give birth?

Allison 18:53

Um um a midwife or midwife the ones in the hospital, they're midwives, the nurse or a midwife, or um they're specialized in yeah, in in the birth.

SPEAKER_00 19:06

But um yeah, there was an amazing midwife and she took off my my mask. She was like, Yeah, you're not gonna keep that mask, you know.

Allison 19:15

So your kids are now at an age where they can help a little bit around the house. So how do you encourage them to participate in homemaking with you?

SPEAKER_00 19:26

Um they they they do I I since I I haven't been working and they started school, they were three and a half, you know. So they always uh they were always with me through everything that I was doing. So they're pretty pretty independent. Um they can they lay the table, they clean the table, I mean there are plates, you know, they're uh they help me to cook, they can, you know, like crack eggs and like cut stuff that are safe to cut with a yes, a kid uh knife. Um they my son he helps a lot. He loves helping. He even wants to hold the grocery bags uh when we go grocery shopping. Yes. Um so yeah, no, they they they do a bunch of stuff. Um they can pretty much uh do everything except uh laundry, because no, that that's just something I'm not ready to you're not ready to hand that over yet. No, and there's too much of it, you know. Like we don't have uh I mean not everybody has uh um I mean it's not as common to have a dryer in France. Right.

Allison 20:53

I was yeah, I was gonna ask you that actually, um, because I just talked to a girl. Um she is she's an American, but she married a South African, so she's in South Africa, they live in Cape Town, and we talked about washers and dryers and how rare dryers are over there. And I said, I think they're pretty rare in Europe too, in a lot of European countries. So do you guys not have a dryer? Do you have to hang things?

SPEAKER_00 21:14

Yes. So in the summer it's fine. I mean, I can do like one or two loads a day if I'm organized, but in the winter, oh my gosh, what do you do in the winter? How do you handle that? Either I leave it outside, it's just not humid, and it takes like a day and a half to be like completely dry, or I take it inside um by the the heat like by the radiator, yeah. By the radiator, and it dries uh in a few hours, I'd say like six hours. Uh I mean like I can't I can only do like one load a day because laundry to a whole different level. Yes It really does. When I when I see, you know, like uh homemaking content, uh tips or stuff like that on YouTube and they say yeah, you have a laundry day. Yeah, I'm like, yeah, that doesn't work. No, but that's not possible for me.

Allison 22:17

So yeah, oh my gosh. Oh gosh. So do you have any tips on hanging laundry? Like what what works really well? Like on a sunny day, you know, is there a tip that we need to know about? Because a lot of people like to hang their laundry. They may not have to, but they like to do it because it's like fresh smelling or whatever.

SPEAKER_00 22:35

But um, well, there are the sensitive things like um you know, uh shirts, you know, uh men's shirts, uh button down. Yes, uh I put it on the on a hanger. On the hanger. Uh-huh. I put it on the hanger, so that works really well. So the the ironing is easy after. Okay. Okay. Um, and then since I live in an apartment, I have a balcony, so I put the bed sheets, like the big the towels, the things like that on my rail, you know.

Allison 23:15

Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:16

Um and just no, I just uh I just leave one uh you know, a space between each uh piece of clothing. And it dries faster. Because some people they like to just put everything uh close together and it never dries or it smells, you know.

Allison 23:37

Yeah, because I would think it needs the it needs to have air, room for the air to move around it. Do you have one of those? Because I know a lot of uh European um homes will have one of those racks that comes down from the ceiling. Ah, but no, like you pull it down from the ceiling. You don't have one of those? No, no, no.

SPEAKER_00 23:54

Uh I have uh one that's like uh from the floor up to my head, basically.

Allison 24:03

Okay, so it's one that you can uh collapse and put and put away and then take it out when you obviously obviously, because you're probably doing laundry every single day and something's probably always drying, right?

SPEAKER_00 24:17

Yes, and there's one drying right now, and I haven't started the next load because I'm like, no, it might not be dry by the time the load is ready. So yeah, and but when I'm sick and and I can't do it for a few days, um I it takes me weeks to get back into late.

Allison 24:40

I can imagine. I can imagine. I am so um just thankful right now for my dryer. I'm actually doing laundry today. Um I'm gonna get through like four loads today. Um, and so all of like most of the listeners, not I would say about 60% of the listeners are in the States. And I would say, guys, just go like hug your dryer and be thankful to the Lord that you have a dryer the next time you're you know tempted to complain about laundry day. Just think of Ava and be thankful. Again, I save money because that's true, because of the cost, yeah, we're not running a dryer.

SPEAKER_00 25:18

So and I save space also because I don't know where I would be putting the the dryer if I had one. So no, you have to see the positives.

Allison 25:28

Yes, that is very true. That is very true. It's all about how you look at it. Okay, let's talk about priorities. Um, so we've already talked about the dream list planner and then the need to use the phone so we don't forget to do things. But what are is there any other way that you like to help um keep your priorities in order and set goals and things like that?

SPEAKER_00 25:51

For a long time, I was uh not, I wouldn't say like putting myself on the side, but I was, you know, all for my kids, I still am uh for my husband as well, but my kids they obviously take up my space uh and time. And um and I I kind of lit myself, you know, not important, the stuff that I needed to do. So uh I actually recently about uh a year ago uh started uh a weight loss uh journey. Um I had done that already uh after my son, before my daughter, but I gained it all back. Uh so that's that's that. And uh so I have lost uh like 60 66 pounds, I think. Uh because it's in kilos, it's about like 30 kilos. Okay, and um and yeah, so I I I wake up very early uh when I have my kids, when it's uh holidays, when they're not in school, uh to go um to the gym before they're awake. And uh when they're in school, I just go right after I drop them. And uh this is a priority that I took for the first time in uh forever, actually. Because I always, you know, I I start things and then I stop it, and I'm actually really proud of myself for for for doing that for my health, for my ideas, uh for me.

Allison 27:33

Yes, that is an that's an amazing accomplishment. Congratulations. Yeah, that's really something, and it is important because it we tend to think exactly like you said, like we put our needs like that, you know, health and taking care of our bodies to the side, and we just give and give and give and do for everybody else in the family. But then what happens when our health fails? Who's gonna take care of them? So it's really important to prioritize and make sure that you're getting in exercise and nourishing your body correctly and things like that. So that is an excellent point. That is an excellent priority. Um, I want to hear about social media. How do you feel about social media? Do you feel like you have a healthy relationship or do you not do social media at all? Um, just what are your thoughts on that? And and how do you plan to um manage that with your kids? How do you plan to manage media with your kids? So this is kind of a two-part question. Like, how do you manage it? And then do you plan to let your kids be exposed to media, or are you limiting that?

SPEAKER_00 28:40

That's a tough one for my kids. Uh I have literally no idea how to how how I'm gonna manage that because you know it's it's not new, but at the same time, it's not it's not something that I grew up with, for example. Right. So I wasn't really worried about it. And now when I see teens and they're on their phone all the time, they're even having like uh secret, secret uh, you know, uh profiles uh on certain apps to post uh videos without their parents knowing. And just they have access to so much information. Uh I just I I don't know how I'm gonna manage that, but I'm hoping that with communication and uh you know trust, uh it's gonna be fine. And me, my my relationship with social media is fine. Um I used to post uh literally everything that was going on in my life. We I think we pretty much all did that my generation. Uh and now I just you know post some things for extended family, for obviously I have friends like in lots of places. I've lived in Russia and the Bahamas. Um just so my the people I love uh see what I'm up to. But that's pretty much it. I'm I don't I don't and just scrolling and stuff like that. I scroll, but I feel like it has positive uh uh it's it has a positive effect on me. I mean I like looking at uh maternity, uh homemaking, uh stuff like that, and it just inspires me. Yeah it inspires me, it motivates me. I know a lot of it is you know uh exaggerated, it's uh presentation, it shows the best. But at the same time, I like that it shows the best because I'm like, oh, that's what I want to, you know, uh try to achieve. So yeah, yeah.

Allison 30:59

I yes, I hear you. Balance, a balanced approach, understanding that not all of it is real life, but we may not want to just be inundated with a feed of everybody's real life moments because that would be really depressing.

SPEAKER_00 31:13

Yes, it's fine when they have both. I like when they have both.

Allison 31:17

Yes, exactly, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 31:19

Yeah, I I like the I like the dream, I like the the inspiration.

Allison 31:26

Well, and you mentioned um before we started recording, and then I think even in your application, that you there's just not a lot of homemakers around you. And so looking to social media, you know, YouTube or Instagram for that inspiration has kind of filled a hole there for you. Um so temptations and challenges, that's what's next on our discussion. Um, when you are looking at the social media, um, because you don't have so many women around you who are doing what you're doing, I'd like to, I'm interested to hear how you're gonna answer this next question. Are you tempted or do you struggle with any of the following things that I'm gonna say? Um, and then what how are you learning from this struggle, if if any at all? So do you tend to compare yourself with other women that you're seeing online? Um, do you tend to say, I am just a homemaker, I'm just staying home and not getting paid. This is not a real job, or superwoman trying to do all the things.

SPEAKER_00 32:29

Um I mean, I was hesitating between two of the answers. The comparison, comparison, yes, yes, it's almost like the French word, so it's hard to like you know, yes, uh to other women, uh homemakers, and uh superwoman trying to do all the things because I I just want to do everything perfect, as I said. You know, I always had uh uh an um a wish. I mean, since I was in uh kindergarten, I was already thinking about my future kids' names. Uh I had the name of my future husband, which wasn't that in the end, but I like how it sounded. Was like, my husband is gonna be called Philippe Twingo. And no, but I was already uh just you know preparing. Uh I I knew I wanted to be a homemaker when I was in kindergarten, you know. So you know, I had perfected my image, uh what I was what I wanted to be. Uh yeah, so I just really wanted to do it all. And uh as I said earlier, it's just uh not really uh achievable for me. And the comparison, well, the comparison uh so as I said, uh it's a positive for me mostly, but then again, I always feel illegitimate because I feel like everyone's doing much better than I am. Um I feel I just feel so uh, you know, like I'm like I'm acting as a homemaker, but really I am you have imposter syndrome. Yes, yes, yeah. I just feel like I'm not ready, I'm not adulting yet. It's it's horrible.

Allison 34:33

I think most people feel like that until they wake up one day and they realize, oh, I I am adulting, like this is what it means to adult. And you just uh you adapt and you learn and then you do better next time. So yeah, I can see I'm glad you said that the comparison part for you is mostly positive because that's a really good point. I mean, I talk a lot about comparison and how dangerous it can be, but it can be really, it can have a positive spin to it, like what you're saying. It's more, it's not so much comparison as it is looking at this person who is doing something really well that you know that you need to grow in and looking to to emulate them, to like copy them and and be more like them. And ideally, if you can, if you know them personally, ask them to help you grow in this area, whatever the skill might be, whether it's baking or sewing or gardening or parenting or you know, fill in the blank. Um, that's a really good point. And I'm glad you I'm glad you brought that up. And then I can see how then you it's sort of a vicious cycle because you look and you think, oh, I'm so inspired by her or this Instagram account or something, and then you try it and you're not great at it or you're not perfect at it, and then you're like, Oh, I'm terrible, I'm an imposter. Yes, it just kind of feeds itself.

SPEAKER_00 35:52

But then it gives me aspiration. I mean, I just need to have a goal, I need to have constant goals. I want to to do that, I want to achieve that, I want to be able to do that. Um and it just I feel it's very inspiring, but yeah, that's my that's my feelings towards it.

Allison 36:14

Okay. So do you have in a uh like a special challenge that you've had to face in your homemaking career um that has grown you and stretched you? And I'd love to hear about it if you have something in mind.

SPEAKER_00 36:27

Um yes, well, I have my uh nephew, uh Cais. Uh so I wanted um a few kids, like three or four kids, and my uh wish was granted, and at the same time, you know, I changed uh my plans because uh two years ago I uh started uh caring for my nephew, um so my uh sister's uh son, um because uh he was he his parents weren't able to provide a stable, secure, safe home for him. So the French legal system uh just uh uh gave him over to us to take care for him. Take care of him. So how old was he when he came to you?

Allison 37:28

He was two. He was two, he just turned two.

SPEAKER_01 37:31

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 37:32

Okay, and your daughter was two, and my daughter was two, they're six months apart. So that was a challenge. Plus, he had some let's say some trauma. So he wasn't talking, he didn't know any um you know rules. Uh to he didn't have the notion of uh consequences. I mean he was two, but still it yeah, yeah.

Allison 38:00

No training really.

SPEAKER_00 38:05

Because you know, I started from from like newborn stage with my kids, so I I could shape them, yeah, you know, uh and I was used to going everywhere with them, so they were used to anything and everything. And then Cais comes home and he doesn't know any of that. Uh he he was just uh a challenge, and I I didn't know how to, you know, um how would I say you know, to to put a band-aid on on him, you know, to repair him, kind of yeah, yes, yes. And that's that's that was the biggest uh challenge for me because it was really important to me, obviously. And I I mean I I don't like to to send myself myself flowers, you know. Uh I don't know if you could say that. Yes, yes. But I I feel I succeeded uh in that he's uh the happiest kid uh I've met, uh always laughing, always smiling, uh always running about. Um and he's uh so talkative and so happy. So uh that was yeah, that was something I wasn't expecting. I was never expecting that. Um and when I took him in, I thought it was for two weeks. That's what I think. Yeah, okay. So then it turned into in two years, and uh the the the judge even told me um shortly after I took him in, um you know you're gonna have him probably forever. So like you know, it was a little you know, you know these things, but when you hear it, you're just like, oh, okay, that's fine.

Allison 40:03

Okay, this is real.

SPEAKER_00 40:05

We're we're really doing this. He's a handful, he's very energetic, you know. So I had to review my plans of uh having another kid. I don't know if I if I'm gonna be uh wanting to to risk the the balance that we have right now, you know.

Allison 40:25

So yeah, that's yeah, that's hard. Well, that's so great that he has adjusted well. Um what do you think that there's anything in particular that you guys did to help him adjust to your family, or was it just a matter of time and patience and working with him?

SPEAKER_00 40:42

Uh it was a little bit of both. Some things took a lot of time, like uh emotion regulation and stuff like that. It was really chaotic when I got him. Um and some things were more easy, easier and you know, more natural. Uh, my kids, I thought maybe there would be jealousy, you know, or you know, uh they have uh another child that's always there. He to take him in, I had to give him a bedroom, his own bedroom. So he took my son's bedroom. My son didn't really mind, you know, he was sleeping with me uh still. But you know, uh I I was scared that would create, you know, uh uh, but it didn't. Uh my kids they accepted him right away, they treat him like a brother. Um my my my my daughter, she's everybody asks me if they're twins because they're so close. Um they're both blondes, you know. So yeah, yeah. So yeah, the no no, it was uh it was a blessing in disguise.

Allison 41:57

Well, thanks for sharing about that. That's a really that's a really encouraging story. Um okay, we are gonna jump ahead to rapid fire questions. All right. So tell me about your biggest homemaking fail so far.

SPEAKER_00 42:14

Um I would say I don't know if it's I mean it's not in my house, but it's in my car. Um well that counts. I I took I I didn't do it once, I did it twice. I took my car for a repair, and I was planning on, you know, because cars, you know, I tend to I clean it, it's perfect, it's spotless, there's nothing, no toys. But you have kids. I am never gonna let it get like that again, and then it does. And I was planning to go and clean it and like take everything that's in the car and just uh take it back to my house and throw the trash and everything, and I just didn't. And I I dropped the keys uh at the garage, and and then I I I looked at my car. He asked me to move my car, and when I moved my car, I realized that everything was in there. There was even the bag full of clothes that I was supposed to give away. And I was like, oh well, we'll we're moving, so you know, my car. So and the second time, obviously, I couldn't say we're moving. I mean, I could have, but you know, yeah, not as convincing as the first time. So yeah, I feel funny.

Allison 43:39

It's like as soon as you as soon as you got back in the car and realized he you saw it through his eyes, you're like, oh man, yeah, gonna get in this car and judge me and think about how bad it is. Why would you let a car get like that? Well I know. Listen, and I find that guys are super judgy. About women in our cars. And I'm like, look, I have all these humans that come with all this stuff. And I'm trying to keep everybody from, you know, killing each other in the car. And so I'm going to give them Cheerios and food and whatever will keep them quiet. And that makes a mess. So, you know, whereas, like my husband, he's he's really he was good about it, but he couldn't understand why we were so messy in the car. And and his car was always spotless. And I'm like, because you're the only one who rides in it and you drive it to work and then it sits there all day and then you drive it home. And this is totally different. Exactly. My car is my second house. So it really is. It really is. So I totally get it. Okay. Tell me about a recent homemaking win.

SPEAKER_00 44:47

Well, uh, that I'm actually kind of proud of. It's uh it's not nothing crazy, but I was able to start uh making sourdough bread. So oh congratulations! Yes, because it took a while. And uh I just really wanted to do that, and uh I I I had to go online and and see the best recipes, the best tips. It seems so hard. It seems like a scientific, you know, uh thing. It's and I just I finally did it, and now I'm making bread for my family, so it makes me really proud.

Allison 45:29

I just that is awesome. Congratulations. Okay, a homemaking product or resource that you are loving right now.

SPEAKER_00 45:38

Um it's maybe something that I started doing uh a couple months ago. Um when uh when I when I finish my day before my husband comes home, I just put the kids uh in the bath. Uh they have fun. I I light some candles, I put some music, some relaxing music. Um I like to have flowers um in the in the living room, in the kitchen, and it just makes um, you know, uh special atmosphere, uh peaceful uh atmosphere. So my husband husband when he comes home, you know, it's it's nice and peaceful. And my kids when they get out the bath, they go into, you know, they stop the fun and they go into the peaceful time. Yes, time before bed, you know.

Allison 46:42

So I love that. Just kind of setting that tone before he comes home. So would would you do you have a tip as well? Because that to me sounds like a hack or a tip. Um number number four, do you have another another hacker tip, or is that your hacker tip?

SPEAKER_00 46:58

No, no, no. Uh my tip would be that uh every night before when when everybody's uh doing their thing, my kids are sleeping, my husband is doing his thing, um I have a night like reset uh routine. You know, I just like it's no no no, you know, for the house. Oh, for the house. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Yes, yes. So basically I just uh because everything tends to be chaotic, uh I just go through every room and I just do a quick like five, ten minutes sweep, clean, uh taking away things, doing the last uh cup that I have to wash or whatever. And it has helped me so much. It sounds like it's not that much, but really it is like in the morning. I'm just waking up and and everything's fine, uh, because the biggest things have been put away in about like 10 minutes, and I just yeah, it's uh I would say it's my it's my 10-15 minute tidy Yes.

Allison 48:12

I love that before bed. That is such a good tip, especially when you have kids. Um to wake up to a clean house, but it's also not it's also nice if somebody's sick in the middle of the night and you're not tripping over you know the mess that was left out.

SPEAKER_00 48:28

Yeah, that's nice, that's a lived experience. Yeah. Or walking uh on the Lego or on the Legos.

Allison 48:37

Yes, yes, and uh that's a terrible way to wake up in the middle of the night. Yes. Um okay, tell me about your signature dish. Do you have a signature dish yet, or are you working on something?

SPEAKER_00 48:48

Oh, I have one. Um I started making uh salmon and spinach rolls. Uh nice what I would call it uh um a couple years back, and now I take it everywhere because every time I bring it somewhere, everyone is you know uh enamored with it. Uh uh it's it's it's nice all year round, it's fresh. Uh so for the winter, you know, we tend to eat like heavy stuff, so it's all fresh and healthy, uh roule. And for the summer it's refreshing. You put it in the fridge and it's fresh. It's it's really nice. And it looks good. So you know, it's what it, yeah.

Allison 49:29

Is it a roll? Um does it have pastry in it, or is it just no uh medicine?

SPEAKER_00 49:35

Basically, I just uh you know, the um the I'll just show you okay simple. You know, this thing, the this thing.

Allison 49:52

I can't see what it is. The oven um oh, like a baking dish? It's a um the tray. It's like a tray.

SPEAKER_00 50:00

Yeah, it's uh it's it's in ever in it's in every oven. I don't know if it's okay like that in the US, but in France, uh in Europe, when you buy an oven, you have this. So I don't know what it's like. Okay. Yeah, but yeah.

Allison 50:13

So so do you can you help me or you don't really know? It's hard to tell from what I it looked like maybe a broiler, a broiler tray, but I can't really you know when you do like uh roasted veggies or whatever, you just put everything in there. Okay, so it's like a roasting pan, yeah. Okay, it's like a roasting pan.

SPEAKER_00 50:33

So basically you take the roasting pan and you just fill it with uh eggs, so as many eggs as you need, uh, and you preheat uh uh spinach, you know, uh mix of like a fresh like fresh cut or frozen? Well you can do whatever, but you just have to cut it before because it's uh it has to be in small pieces, you know, very uh very small pieces. Uh you put it in the mixer or whatever. I just buy um like like chopped, already chopped. Uh yes, you know, frozen ones. And I just uh voila, it's it's more simple, it's uh yes for the mental health. So yeah, you mixed uh both both of those uh ingredients together, um and then you put it in the oven just up until it's uh uh not hard, but you know, just just set uh um voila, not liquid, voila, but able you're gonna be able to roll it, you know, and then you take it out, you let it uh sit a while, you know, so it's not hot, and you uh you know, you spread, you spread uh you know, tartare cheese. I don't know if you have that.

Allison 51:56

Okay, you know, kind of like is a like a sauce, is it tartare sauce?

SPEAKER_00 52:00

It's a cheese. It's a cheese, kind of like uh cream cheese, but with spices in there, you know, herbs like air de provence or whatever.

Allison 52:09

Yes, yes. Uh yes, we have something similar to that.

SPEAKER_00 52:13

Yeah, we have like uh tartare, boursant. I don't know if you yeah, we have bourson. We have bourson here. Okay, so that's kind of like voila, you can do that with bours, and then you put um salmon, um fumet. Uh smoked salmon? Smoked salmon, yes. You put some smoked salmon, and then you you put as much as you like, basically. Um you roll it, okay. Um and then you put uh uh chives. Chives and just cut chives um on it, and when you cut it, it's like all rolled up, you know.

Allison 52:58

Oh yes, very pretty. I'm sure it's very pretty.

SPEAKER_00 53:02

Oh, no, it's so nice. Every time I bring it somewhere, people are like, What is that? That looks so good. Uh yeah, it must have been so uh complicated, and it's really not. It takes about like 15 minutes stops.

Allison 53:16

So and you serve it, you serve it cold?

SPEAKER_00 53:19

Yes, I put it in the fridge. I mean, that's I feel it's best like this. I put it in the fridge for like two hours minimum, and uh or I do it the night before, and uh and then I cut it up just uh before you go when I'm about to serve it.

Allison 53:34

Oh, that sounds really good. Um, can we can I get that recipe from you and so I can share it with the audience? Okay, great. Thank you. Um okay, let's talk about the art of home. So, how do you see homemaking as an art and where do you find beauty in it?

SPEAKER_00 53:51

Um, so I feel like homemaking is an invisible type of art, kind of uh in the whole, because you're just you're trying to create a space uh that's comforting, that's uh comfortable, um people feel cared for, you know. Uh it's it seems like it's not important when you're not in it, but I feel like when you're in it, uh I'm just really thankful that I get to do that because I'm taking care of my family. I try to make special moments uh in life, uh to for my kids to have special memories, uh, my husband to be conforted when he comes home from work because he works a lot. So, yeah, that's I feel uh it's the most important kind of art in life.

Allison 54:54

Yes, I agree. Good answer. Good answer. So I always like to talk to um the other women who are listening, but I like to give them your perspective um on things. So you're right in the middle in this in the trenches stage. So first let's talk to the older women. Um what is a way that older women can come alongside women in your generation and and help you guys in your homemaking?

SPEAKER_00 55:25

Um I wish I had more advice and uh encouragement and uh understanding from the older generations around me. Um unfortunately I feel like sometimes it can be, you know, the advice can be a little discouraging, you know, a little uh feel a little judgy. Uh and I feel that's too bad because I'm pretty sure um most homemakers of my uh generation try to do things well to create something uh nice and it's just I feel um yeah, I I I really wish uh we there could be more encouragement and understanding.

Allison 56:19

Okay, yeah, that's a that's fair. Absolutely. So uh the younger ladies, what would you tell them? Those younger women who are coming behind you, how would you encourage them as they're just maybe beginning their journey of homemaking?

SPEAKER_00 56:33

Um I would uh probably say to um enjoy uh every season of life, uh, because sometimes we tend to, you know, I I had that uh when I first started, I wanted everything to be perfect, and you pay attention to yeah, the dishes that are always gonna be there anyway, you know, waiting for you. Uh you want everything to be perfect, clean, uh a perfect uh uh homemade meal. And sometimes it's just better to be in the moment and enjoy the moment instead of just wanting to keep everything perfect, you know, because it's it's always gonna be there.

Allison 57:19

Very good answer. That was really good. Well, Ava, thank you so much for sharing about homemaking in France. This has just been so delightful that your your perspective and how your experience is over there compared to here. Um, very different in some ways, but very much the same, all the same struggles, all the same challenges. So thank you so much for giving me your time today and for being there.

SPEAKER_00 57:43

Thank you. Thank you, that was uh delightful.

Allison 57:46

You're welcome. Thank you for joining me for this homemaker portrait of Ava Susheki. I hope Ava's story has inspired and encouraged you, and that you are taking away one idea or thought that you can incorporate into your own homemaking. You know that I loved Ava's practice of setting a calm tone in the evening before her husband comes home. I often do that, light some candles, put on some music, and I love the idea of putting the babies in the bathtub. And as I said in the interview, I have a newfound deep appreciation for my dryer after hearing all that she has to do to get her clothes dry. Let's make the emoji for this episode a laundry basket. Drop one in a comment or a text message and let me know whether you hang your laundry like Ava or use a dryer. And I'm always down to hear your best laundry tips as well. I want to thank Ava again for sharing her story of home with us and not even in her own native language. She did such a great job. Resources mentioned in this episode along with Ava's recipe for spinach rolls will be in the extended show notes on the blog. Click the link in the episode description or go to the Artofome Podcast.com slash blog and search Ava Susheki or spinach rolls. If you have found value in today's episode, please text this episode to a homemaker you know, then leave us a rating and a review on your listening app, and finally you can say thanks with your wallet over at buymeacoffee.com slash the art of home. That is all for this episode. I will be back on Monday with the final spring cleaning Monday motivation and on Wednesday with a brand new deep dive on summer road trip adventures with former guest Jenny Naninga. Until then, keep practicing your art of making a home.